Hi welcome back and hope you found that core identity coach and model.
An interesting one but now it is time for an experience or I want to coach you through this process
for yourself.
This is Prosser possibly and probably one of the most important life coaching processes or tools that
we can that we can share with our clients.
This really does enable us to help our clients become grounded within themselves and sometimes make
some decisions that they've actually never even considered making the right.
Because when it comes to how we define ourselves especially when some people define themselves by by
some of their behavior patterns some of their beliefs some of their preferences some of their likes
and sometimes it's very very easy isn't it to say well you know I don't have a choice in this.
This is just who I am.
This is the set of beliefs on the set of behaviors and the world I was born into kind of like I'm a
victim.
Here's the thing.
The second that we no longer have a choice as a second that we are stepping into a place of irresponsibility
and disempowerment.
So it doesn't really matter what we believe.
It doesn't matter whether we swing to the left or whether we swing to the right.
It makes no difference.
All right let us at least be bold enough to claim and own the decisions and the choices that we make
whether this is choosing to believe a certain set of beliefs whether this is choosing to conform to
a certain set of religious practices whether this is choosing to a sexual orientation or whether it's
choosing a career or a rule whatever whether it's choosing a lifestyle.
All right.
The second that we are not choosing is the second we are putting on the victim hearts.
All right.
And this will never lead us anywhere.
Empowering.
So that gives us a little bit of context.
All right.
I ask you this question a couple of times.
No.
Who are here.
All right well let's just first and foremost look at their worksheet that you're going to have hopefully
in front of you.
MF No I just did take some losing yet sampler or whatever.
You'll get three columns at least.
Let's just start working out what are this you do you know for its rules you fulfill.
And then we'll look on to you know how it is that you are you how you feel or day to day basis how you
turn up how you show up how you generally tend to conduct yourself and then we're gonna get right to
the right to the right to the core of who you are.
All right.
And I'm not saying that this is going to be an extensive exercise.
I'm not saying that this is going to help you become absolutely grounded in who you are but it's hopefully
just going to point you in a direction in which you need to be all looking.
All right Self discovery is a lifetime process.
Right.
So as life coaches we're sometimes just going to be here to help people take that first couple of steps.
That's that's going to be yes.
All right.
You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make a horse drink.
So first things first right let's look at this model.
This core identity model what do you do for a living.
All right.
What do you choose to believe.
What way do you swing.
What is your orientation.
What do you like.
What do you dislike.
All right let's break these things down.
First and foremost let's look at what you what you do for a living.
Right.
How do you earn money.
What role or rank or status do you fulfill on a day to day basis.
What's your profession.
What do you do for work.
All right.
Take if you know it's right a few things down then get thinking about what it is that you actually believe
you know how is it that you have allowed your beliefs to define you on identity level at times in the
past.
Do you actually define yourself by a belief system.
The year to find yourself by a religion to find yourself by atheists and do you define yourself as being
a Christian atheist a Muslim and Islam or Hindu.
And if you and if you were to really stop or look at us how was it that you know this way of finding
yourself influences what you do i.e. your habits your behaviors some of the things that you say and
do every now and again.
Because how we define ourself pretty much influences every single decision that we make in life whether
we agree with us or whether we don't.
All right.
More often than not people would define themselves in massively unhelpful and see this limits in ways.
And and this isn't something that we have to do.
All right.
So what is certainly sexual orientation right.
Do you like the gays dealing the girls.
You like a little bit of both.
Are you a man or a woman or are you undecided right.
What floats your boat and whatever does float your boat.
All right.
At least on it.
All right Ali say this is what I choose.
This is what I choose.
This is what I like.
This is what I prefer.
All right.
Own it wouldn't and become empowered.
All right.
No Luke it's your wins.
Look at your past failures.
Look at some of your accomplishments or lack there off in the past.
Is there an area in which you've perhaps drawn a sense of identity from your past results.
Because if we do this we're walking and some see this this shaky ground.
No these are some tough questions right.
But this is a video based course.
So you might be taking a defense is something here.
But remember it's not me that's making you angry or offending you.
You are interpreting some things and defending yourself only if you are taking offense right now.
And so what you do for a living.
Because if you can just you know separate everything that you do from who you are then you become free
from those things.
Right.
And this is pretty much the essence of the reason why we want to take your clients through this exercise
because once we have separated what do we do from who we are were then free to choose whether we are
going to continue to keep on believing what we believe and doing what we do and liking what we're like.
And all these sorts of things like responsibility breeds empowerment.
All right.
So at least if we are owning the decisions that were that we're making then you know this will empower
us as human beings.
Now let's just look at how you are you all right.
Spend a few minutes just looking at how you feel sometimes half you ever find yourself by how you feel.
Have you ever fallen victim to saying I am anxious are young stressed I am depressed I am who the doctor
says that I am who doesn't know me from Adam by the way.
Right.
No going back.
I think it was in the three or four years after leaving the military.
I was a confused young man right.
I didn't define myself as being confused back then because I didn't know who I was because no one guided
me through this process.
No one helped me see that I wasn't going through any silly phase of illness.
I was actually just going through an identity crisis having left the military going through this transition
reintegrating my way back into civilian life.
I went to the doctors nurses doctors I don't feel right.
I feel something inside my soul that can really really should.
And the doctor said right Ken Rumsey you have depression.
That's who you are you are depressed you are anxious you have post-traumatic stress disorder and you
know what the doctor done back then.
Well it actually just gave me some new labels to silent myself because I had handed over soldier because
it handed over Corporal.
That was how I used to define myself.
Right and I embraced and fully embodied this labels and this became the new justification why I was
living my life and the way in which I was living my life back then in a completely disempowered way.
Now here's the thing.
We can justify our beliefs and our preferences as much as we want from a place of being a victim like
we don't have a say in the matter we have no choice.
All right.
I will never serve you and you'll never influence other people when operating from this mindset.
All right.
I'm being straight with you know Francis has some really important stuff.
All right.
But you know for us it is OK to own it seriously when it comes to defining how we are imperfect flawed.
All right.
Not broken not damaged goods.
Right I'm not damaged goods not broken I'm not any of these things.
I'm just in perfect and I'm flawed.
Which leaves me room for improvement gives me plenty of opportunity to grow and develop and stretch
myself.
When we define ourselves as being broken well that's kind of a broken full stop.
I could take my coffee cup right now right and drop on the floor if that breaks and ain't going to on
break.
All right.
And I guess in the same way some people human beings define themselves have been broken.
All right.
And this is where you know some of the manipulators come into play that I mentioned earlier on in the
course some of those people who define themselves as therapists and what is some therapists do.
Therapists are just greater magically fixing broken people.
Well here's the thing.
If we define ourselves as broken we're defining ourselves as being damaged goods.
An F on an identity level that's who we believe we are.
My goodness we aren't going to be accomplishing too much for the rest of our lifes.
All right we are going to be 11 in a severely disempowered way so we can't afford to be broken but we
can't afford to be imperfect.
We can't afford to be flawed.
All right.
And what I'm good at what I've found in recent years is that by owning my imperfections by owning my
flaws it keeps me humble.
All right.
Do I still make mistakes.
Yes.
Do I still screw up every now and every now and again.
Yes.
Do I still put my foot in my mouth and say the wrong things and sometimes you know act in inappropriate
ways.
Yes I do.
Why.
Is it because I'm bad.
Is it because I'm good.
Is it because I'm a selfish ratbag.
Is it because of my broken human being.
Is it because I'm evil or vicious or a criminal or a villain.
No it's because I'm imperfect just like you.
And just like everyone that you know.
All right.
So please I'm going to strongly urge you to get that word written down right.
All your imperfections my friend.
Because the second you own your imperfections you have just overcome them.
All right.
When we all our flaws or imperfections in life we can start moving beyond the many people never move
forward in life because they take their flaws or imperfections as labels assign them onto themselves
and and decide that there's there's nowhere else to go.
But imperfect is a very very broad word imperfect and always does not mean that we have room for improvement
in all ways.
Absolutely.
So let's look at you.
All right.
Let me ask you a couple of questions and then you take the words on that resonate with you the ones
that are okay and the ones that aren't okay.
Take what you will.
Listen I'm not arguing to have a definitive solution here about who you are.
At the end of this video but at least get clear who you are and who you are.
You know at least be crystal clear on the fact that you are choosing your lifestyle choices you are
choosing to believe what you believe you are choosing to act and conduct yourself in the way in which
you are.
No one is making you do anything.
All right you are 100 percent responsible for how you show up for who you be and for what you do and
believe in life no one else has poo in your puppet strings because they're eating on.
There are no strings and you are free to be who you want to be today.
So have you ever loved anyone or is the only person you've ever loved yourself or you're rotten at the
core or are you capable of loving people.
Because if you're capable of loving people I'm guessing at some point in the past you've probably loved
someone.
All right.
And if you ever loved someone even if you love someone today might this make you who you are loving
is that even possible.
No it's a crazy idea isn't it.
People who have absolutely zero self-esteem and confidence will find themselves in all sorts of unhelpful
ways.
The spirit is important.
We find ourselves here in the positive because we don't need to define ourselves in any other way.
All right.
If how we define ourselves is not serving us and bonus up.
We've got to modify and change how it is that we're defining ourselves.
So race some words here Loving are you loving.
All right if so are you perfectly loving.
Are you a perfectly loving and all of your relationships all of the time with all people that you're
going to be honest.
You're most likely seen the way who is a just isn't the case in which case that will mean that you have
room for improvement and if you have room for improvement would you even choose to improve.
Because if you choose to improve and what you're choosing to do is grow.
And if you're choosing to grow you're probably growing through this course you've most likely had some
idea of share with your resonate on some level.
So if you're choosing to grow then that means that you're growing.
And if you're growing that means that it's possible for you to become better today than you were yesterday.
And if it is the case that you've become better today than how you were yesterday that's probably fair
to assume that you're also going to be able to be better tomorrow than how you're currently being today.
And it's this way of thinking that gives us hope for a bigger and a brighter future with me to see where
we're going here right see a loving you growing this is fantastic a creative.
Have you ever created anything.
Have you ever made anything.
Have you ever built anything.
Have you ever designed anything right.
Never.
If I was if I was to read your mind right.
I bet that you are not currently being as creative as what you really want to be in life.
You're possibly doing some stuff that you think you should be doing or that you know you think someone
else wants you to be doing or that someone else expects you to be doing.
You're most likely not creating to the degree that you really want to create.
No.
Ask me this question.
All right answer.
Answer me the question.
If I was to say to you growing or being creative All right.
Is being creative something that we do.
Don't get me wrong we can do creative things.
But do we do creative things because we are creative or are we creative because we do creative things.
What comes first the chicken or the egg.
Well I'm going to suggest quite broadly that we do creative things as human beings because who we are
where the core is creative.
You with me who we are the core is our cause the things that we do is our affect.
You with me.
All right.
So a growing your creative your loving.
Have you ever given anyone anything ever.
And what your whole life your entire lifetime.
Have you ever given anything a gift.
A present.
Have you ever given someone else your time which is incidentally the most valuable commodity that you
can give people in life.
Your time.
It's kind of like money and gifts we can give people money and gifts and we give people money.
You know we can go and exchange our time for more money and get money back.
But if we go and give a person our time and we can't get that time back.
All right.
So time is the most valuable commodity that we have in life.
But it's often the most undervalued.
All right.
How many people do you know that will you know will spend or have spent you know 20 30 40 years and
a career or a job that they absolutely despise and this and they justify by saying.
But I needed to put food on the table.
Yes.
OK.
Possibly that might have been the case you possibly had some bills to pay as well but possibly just
maybe there were more creative ways of doing that.
When we exercise our creativity we were nine times out of ten find those unusual and exciting and creative
ways off and providing for ourselves and for those that we love.
So how creative area how creative have you been in the past how creative are you willing to be moving
forward.
Is it possible for you to be more creative tomorrow and how be in today.
Is it possible for you to be more loving and giving today than how you were yesterday because if that's
the case and my French have opportunity to grow and change.
All right.
So when was the last time that you changed something about your life today.
Yesterday at some point in the last week are you changing right.
No.
Right let's get this award in here as well because if you have already changed something then it goes
without saying that you can change something else which gives you hope for a bigger brighter future.
My friend giving we're giving.
Didn't we have you ever given anyone anything.
Well if so that makes you're giving not perfectly giving.
Granted but it does make your giving nonetheless.
Do you care about people or do you just care about yourself.
Is loving the same as caring is caring different from loving.
And if so how are you caring.
Have you ever cared about anyone.
If so that makes you a caring individual.
Granted you might not be as caring as what you are able to be.
Sometimes you might be a little bit self consumed that a little bit self focus but listen you're imperfect.
All right so that doesn't justify it doesn't make it okay but it does give us and the opportunity not
to be ourselves up and dwell upon our imperfections because that's just how we all innately are.
So we can kill ourselves a little bit of slack sometimes and not spend the rest of our lives beating
ourselves up for not being good enough or something like that.
How about us being compassionate.
All right compassionate for people.
See when you meet a person who is going through a tough time in life.
All right.
Can you relate.
Can you empathetically relate.
Are you good at something.
Just putting yourself in other people's shoes.
Well if you're the leanest life coach and training course rhino and hope you are compassionate there's
a pretty good chance you are.
Which means if you've been compassionate in the past you can be compassionate again moving forward in
the future so compassionate is most likely who you imperfectly are
compassionate.
Need I go on.
Are you passionate about anything.
Are you passionate about accomplishing anything in life.
Are you passionate about making a positive impact.
Or are you passionate about being the kind of person other folks come to become dependent on.
Are you passionate about impacting your world.
Your local town village city your nation.
You're passionate about making a positive impact in your society near where you live.
Are you passionate about doing something to resolve some sort of social injustice or would you rather
just talk about these things.
Are you a talker or are you do or are you proactive or your reactive.
How do you choose to be.
Who are you.
What I'm what I'm hoping of sugar.
Up until now there's a there doesn't need to be a box.
There does not need to be a cage.
All right.
We can each choose to be whoever we choose to be.
I choose to be a man of integrity integral integrity is a big thing for me.
All right.
I'm my perfectly integral.
Absolutely not.
All right.
My humble.
Well I do my best.
I'm a perfectly humble absolutely n all right.
I'm a consistent Yeah relatively consistent but perfectly consistent.
No absolutely not.
Are you consistent.
How about decisive are you decisive.
Being the scientist isn't something that we do as who we are.
All right.
So listen I'm hoping that by no I've just simply pointed you in the direction of which to travel.
Right but my friends right.
Take your life seriously in this way.
Yeah we are having a dialogue.
We are having a conversation here but this is for the purpose of you becoming grounded in who you are
but also in who you are.
Because unless you go there first my friend you are not going to be able to effectively guide other
people through this life coaching core identity process which is incidentally one of the most powerful
and transformational processes that we can get another human being through full stop.
All right.
Saw this and take five to 10 minutes.
No and really good at telling yourself.
Flesh out your diagram flesh out your workbook then give yourself this unique reference point because
to lean back in with us with this idea no thinking back to the deep sea fishing trip that I went on
all those years ago.
Yeah some we can talk about sea trawlers you know of sailing by on that on the horizon.
But the way that I'd like to see our identity when we define ourselves and get clearer on who we are
in this way this can actually become our new unique reference point.
So when people or when the world comes up against us and they say things like you're a failure you're
no good you're useless you're not this you're not man when we are in there on the receiving end of rejection
and judgment and peoples mindless assumptions and things like that.
All right.
Where most people fall apart upon being on the receiving end of other people's assumptions and judgment
because some people can be so darn rotten.
All right.
We can remain grounded in the facts and the truth not in the feelings not in the faith but instead in
the facts of who we actually are.
At the core it's this and this alone that sets us and sets us free in life to live balanced and grounded
and stable lifestyles.
All right so you understand why we're doing this as a massively massively crucial process.
But if you have just worked through this then fine I'll go and find someone that you know someone that
you love a family member a parent a loved one a son or a daughter or someone that you know and guide
them through this exact same process right away.
Practice doesn't make us permanently brilliant into anything and it just makes us permanently better
than how we were yesterday.
So in practice and someone the right and see what results you get.